I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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