Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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