I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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