just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
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He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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