My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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