i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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