she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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