I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
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Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
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I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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