Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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