how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.