You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
