He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.