Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.