'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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