Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is Oprah even human
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been