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I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
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