I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
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Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
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she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.