Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.

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  (314): No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone. http://tfl.nu/hhkp
  Replies (9) Good night (4061) Bad night (925)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome

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  (740): My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome http://tfl.nu/ktp3
  Replies (27) Good night (3575) Bad night (1134)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.

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  (224): Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped. http://tfl.nu/31qz
  Replies (32) Good night (4066) Bad night (728)
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  (949): View more from California

  if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous

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  (949): if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous http://tfl.nu/ia7j
  Replies (28) Good night (9090) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.

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  (614): My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/lss6
  Replies (26) Good night (6225) Bad night (3780)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever

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  (781): Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever http://tfl.nu/l0sc
  Replies (7) Good night (2149) Bad night (1006)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.

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  (281): Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night. http://tfl.nu/k3ni
  Replies (5) Good night (964) Bad night (1650)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?

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  (772): how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground? http://tfl.nu/issb
  Replies (19) Good night (4540) Bad night (807)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective

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  (630): He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective http://tfl.nu/wbyh
  Replies (2) Good night (1416) Bad night (764)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes

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  (334): If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes http://tfl.nu/khy3
  Replies (7) Good night (2337) Bad night (854)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume

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  (703): Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume http://tfl.nu/akez
  Replies (9) Good night (2459) Bad night (785)
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  (415): View more from California

  I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".

  (415): View more from California

  good luck with that

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  (415): I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco". (415): good luck with that http://tfl.nu/41gz
  Replies (4) Good night (963) Bad night (1023)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn

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  (615): May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn http://tfl.nu/hucd
  Replies (4) Good night (884) Bad night (405)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day

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  (613): If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day http://tfl.nu/i6y7
  Replies (0) Good night (418) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again

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  (202): I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again http://tfl.nu/wlsy
  Replies (2) Good night (321) Bad night (557)

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