i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.