Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.

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  (443): her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way. http://tfl.nu/3gxo
  Replies (5) Good night (664) Bad night (1712)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Knowing your life, probably not.

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  (832): I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right? (303): Knowing your life, probably not. http://tfl.nu/p5sh
  Replies (4) Good night (856) Bad night (3111)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.

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  (920): Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet. http://tfl.nu/uu2t
  Replies (6) Good night (1531) Bad night (5427)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house

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  (817): He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house http://tfl.nu/yyye
  Replies (51) Good night (14721) Bad night (1905)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn

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  (520): Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn http://tfl.nu/666p
  Replies (20) Good night (6706) Bad night (834)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video

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  (512): its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video http://tfl.nu/p3je
  Replies (14) Good night (6863) Bad night (969)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.

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  (513): After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God. http://tfl.nu/onhi
  Replies (16) Good night (3145) Bad night (1479)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway

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  (443): Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway http://tfl.nu/al82
  Replies (15) Good night (3662) Bad night (877)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold

  (1-585): View more from New York

  hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?

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  (585): i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold (1-585): hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce? http://tfl.nu/cepl
  Replies (4) Good night (2997) Bad night (639)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.

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  (619): He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/6dyk
  Replies (9) Good night (3299) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...

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  (443): Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed... http://tfl.nu/d0g6
  Replies (9) Good night (2397) Bad night (899)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina

  (386): View more from Florida

  It really is the softest mustache

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  (386): It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina (386): It really is the softest mustache http://tfl.nu/mbrj
  Replies (9) Good night (2360) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.

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  (951): She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer. http://tfl.nu/6dwb
  Replies (11) Good night (2088) Bad night (765)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.

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  (313): She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home. http://tfl.nu/iyq0
  Replies (5) Good night (1357) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Made up a full house drinking game

  (216): View more from Ohio

  On my way.

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  (440): Made up a full house drinking game (216): On my way. http://tfl.nu/o305
  Replies (3) Good night (629) Bad night (235)

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