So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
