My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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