Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
