Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
