yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What a dumb baby whore.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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