She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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