There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
