He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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