im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
