so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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