I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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