I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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