my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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