Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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