Umm I'm too high to move.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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