when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
