peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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