I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i believe in u and ur pee
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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