OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
