you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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