the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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