He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Pooping to opera.
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