Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
