thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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