Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
