well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
