Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
