Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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