When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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