I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
