I think I just saw someone hide a body.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
