Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
