I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
