We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
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Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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