Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
