Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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