yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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