I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
How's work?
Spinning.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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