It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
