i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
