did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
