Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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