Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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