matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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