is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you win again, gameday.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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