Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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