Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
