WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
