Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
