Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Farmville is her only friend.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
