will power is for people who don't want to get laid
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
