Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
